That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
