i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
