I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Drake has all the answers
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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