If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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