I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
