he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Randomize
