i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
