you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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