Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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