We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
