doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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