Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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