I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need a beard to bite.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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