guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
