Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
