At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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