Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
