I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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