I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
