You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
