I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
