What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
