God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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