I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
