You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize