I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
