i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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