if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
