Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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