my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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