it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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