I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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