Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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