I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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