how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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