these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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