It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
