sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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