Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
