Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
