See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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