oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
