i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
