It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
