He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
