I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
