You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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