Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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