Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
