I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
