You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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