I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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