I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
