My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
