I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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