can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
