My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
