You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
