I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
