You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
