his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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