I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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