I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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