I just cut my nipple shaving
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
