The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
