When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
