I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
