sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
